Over lunch, I had economy rice with my friend Ryan. You know, the kind where they cook 10 to 15 dishes and plonk them there for the whole day, grouped loosely into three categories: Meat dish, Vegetable dish, and Dunno-what-dish.

You choose your one-meat-two-vegetables or two-meat-two-vegetables or three-meat-one-make-yourself-feel-better-vegetable. Then the nice gentleman looks at your plate and magically conjures up a price for your combo. The price will vary with the time of the day, the weather, and the position of the planets, even if the same dishes were selected.

I don't really know why they call it economy rice. Do I get Frequent Flyer miles with that? Besides, my selection came up to $7. It was hardly economy. I admit I got carried away when I saw the steamed fish and the breaded prawns.

You have to be careful with your choices. I once pointed at some stir-fried 'luo han zhai' vegetable dish, thinking it comes under the cheaper Vegetable category. But nooooo, "This one meat price", said the nice gentleman.

Because, he said. "Inside got mushrooms and other expensive ingredient."

Expensive ingredient? XO cornstarch?

It was already on my plate of rice, so there was nothing I could do. I couldn't ask him to take back his (economy) Eighteen Disciples of Buddha entree.

Speaking of Luohan, I tried to google 'luohan vegetable' and one of the results came back with a link to a page entitled "Surprise Lindsay Lohan Radio Interview Made Better With Vegetables". I kid you not.

I am not sure I want to have a Lindsay Lohan vegetable dish.

But having said that, if I ever have a pet Luohan fish, I will name her Lindsay.

Anyway, while eating my economy rice, I suddenly remembered a Teochew porridge place I liked, near Henderson Road but I couldn't remember the name. So I asked Ryan who lives around that area, as I attacked my breaded prawn (which was more batter than prawn, I felt so cheated).

He only knew an overpriced one near Tiong Bahru which he dislikes. Besides, Ryan said, "Teochew porridge these days is a ripoff. You only have Teochew porridge when you are chasing after a girl." "Why so?" I asked.

He explained, "If you took a girl to Teochew porridge for a dinner date, the girl will think, so quaint, so romantic and so economy, eating this hawker fare."

When in reality, it's hardly 'economy'. Teochew porridge may have been the working class person's meal in the old days (you know, when policemen wore shorts) but not today. For the $18 you paid for those four random Teochew dishes, and two bowls of porridge, you could have eaten in some swankier place with air-conditioning. But since the two of us are already married with kids, we don't need to impress our wives with overpriced Teochew porridge anymore.

You can still find affordable Teochew porridge, of course. I make sure I don't select the expensive items like Steamed Snow Fish. One stall once charged me $15 for it.

For that price, I expect the fish to have lucky numbers like a Luohan, and have the face of a Lindsay.

For that price, I want my Snow Fish to come with its own air-conditioning.


Read also these other features from mrbrown:
mrbrown and the broken internet
mrbrown goes to the NDP
mrbrown talks about Movies
mrbrown: A Bumblebee in my Bonnet


About mrbrown
mrbrown aka Mr Kin Mun LEE is the accidental author of the popular Singapore website, mrbrown.com, and has been documenting the dysfunctional side of Singapore life since 1997.

Affectionately known as the Blogfather of Singapore, his readers follow his writings closely, which these days range from current affairs, his family, and even his trips abroad.

Currently, mrbrown also hosts the mrbrown show (mrbrownshow.com), probably Singapore's best known comedy and satire podcast.

mrbrown is married to Ginny, his long-suffering wife for 12 years, and is father to three lovely kids, Faith,  Isaac and Joy.