The Singapore Armed Forces (SAF) always does the fun things when I am away. As I type this in Bandung, Indonesia, I read over the internet that there is a new rank called Senior Lieutenant-Colonel.

The insignia for this new rank is two SAF crests (or 'crabs') and a braid. Current Lieutenant-Colonels (their insignia is two crests) will need to become Senior Lieutenant-Colonels before they can be promoted to Colonel (three crests).

I can already hear the Lieutenant-Colonels talking amongst themselves.

LTC 1: "Eh, you heard or not? Now must be Two-and-a-half Crab then can Three Crabs leh!"
LTC 2: "Ya lor! Sian man. When will I get all my crabs? When will I see my seafood restaurant?"

That braid under the two crabs looks like seasoning, a little sprig of parsley, to give the rank a little more flavour.

I suppose we can always use a few extra ranks in the army. Why keep things simple?

Singapore should be proud that we are one of the few countries who have the rank of Senior Lieutenant-Colonel. Other countries that have this include the armed forces of China, Vietnam and North Korea, according to the news report.

I suggest we follow the grand tradition of the North Korean military and add more ranks like Rear Admiral (Upper Half), Rear Admiral (Lower Half), Marshal, and that old chestnut, Generalissimo.

And if that is not enough, we can always add the rank of Supreme Commander of the Armed Forces. I love the sound of that. I can totally see the regulars aiming to be Supreme Commander. Beats being a lowly 3-star Lieutenant-General, I tell you.

Some have suggested, rather unkindly, that the Senior Lieutenant-Colonel rank is like a 'Thank You for Participating' rank. I am sure it is not. The brochure says the two-and-a-half crabs are men who have been tapped for higher appointment.

In other words, instead of being a gone-case no-future henta kaki Lieutenant-Colonel, you are actually on the fast track to three-crabness.

And if the SAF thinks that this scheme does not help 'meet the requirements of the 3rd Generation SAF' and enhance careers, they can always go for more subdivisions like Lagi Senior Lieutenant-Colonel (two crabs and two braids), Master Senior Lieutenant-Colonel (two crabs and three braids), and Lieutenant-Colonel Mentor (two crabs, three braids, and a chilli underneath).

Lieutenant-Colonel Mentors can be nicknamed 'Chilli Crabs'. We can throw in a brass button that looks like a ManTou (Chinese steamed bun).

I recall fondly when they introduced the Corporal First Class (CFC) rank in my day. It was to distinguish between Corporals from the Combat side and the good-for-nothing Service side Corporals like myself. We had a field day calling the CFCs 'neng tiao pua' or two-and-a-half stripes. The CFCs did not feel very elite or first class, I think.

Later on, they were called Third Sergeants, I believe, ending their days of ridicule from the lower ranks.

I believe the SAF should introduce more ranks for generals too. We could have a rank above Brigadier General for those who are earmarked for political office, MBG or Minister Brigadier General. The rank will be a star and lightning going through it.

Those who show promise in being CEOs of private sector companies and Government Linked Companies, can be given the rank of CBG, or Chairman Brigadier General. They can have a star with the dollar sign above it.

But who am I to talk. I was just a gone-case no-future henta kaki Corporal when I left NS, and stayed that way till my reservist ended. Not that I would want it any other way, of course. I loved being a Corporal and was proud of it. No need to make me senior this, master that, or first class anything.

Just good old Corporal.



About Mr Brown
mrbrown aka Mr Kin Mun LEE is the accidental author of the popular Singapore website, mrbrown.com, and has been documenting the dysfunctional side of Singapore life since 1997.

Affectionately known as the Blogfather of Singapore, his readers follow his writings closely, which these days range from current affairs, his family, and even his trips abroad.

Currently, mrbrown also hosts the mrbrown show (mrbrownshow.com), probably Singapore's best known comedy and satire podcast.

mrbrown is married to Ginny, his long-suffering wife for 12 years, and is father to three lovely kids, Faith, Isaac and Joy.