For the sake of this column, and for you, gentle reader, I placed myself in harm's way and subjected myself to potential financial ruin…

I went to the Sitex computer show, my first computer show trip in years.

The question I wanted answered was, “Is a visit to a computer show still as harrowing as I remember?” I had to find out.

This year, the show was at Expo, and I decided not to drive there but took the MRT instead.

My goal was to pick up a media player for myself (the kind that hook up to a TV and plays digital video) and a big screen TV for dad. I was quite pleased with the walking space at Expo compared to Suntec City computer shows. Where the latter always had bottlenecks at the escalators, Expo was just one big floor.

I went from one booth to another, looking at what each media player brand had to offer and asking questions that would make a computer show nerd proud.

“Does your player support MKV? DTS audio with pass-through via S/PDIF Coaxial/Optical? Streaming over LAN and WLAN?” I asked each vendor.

Some of you ladies may laugh at the geek-speak, but I am sure you have your own jargon when you shop for your designer shoes and underwear, right?

I have heard ladies in the lingerie department using terms like underwire, G-string, multiway, and balconette. The first few terms sound like technology terms. Except that last term. A balconette bra sounds like you are wearing a condo on your chest.

Asking the right questions ensures that the salesperson takes you seriously. I could see salesperson give the slight roll of the eyes when another customer asked, “This player can automatically get the videos for you ah? Can surf Internet ah?”

I picked up the media player I felt supported all the features I needed, then went on to the noisy areas where big screen LCD TVs were being sold.

This is as close as you can get to a Circus cum Pasar Malam (night market) atmosphere in Singapore.

A guy with a microphone would extol the virtues of his wares, running down the list of features and occasionally using his knuckles to knock on the screen of his TV to emphasise that his model is a “hard panel, ah, you see, hard panel!”

I stood there with the crowd at his performance, amused at the flair used to excite us into buying his TVs. I also remember thinking to myself, “He had better not give me that set he just whacked the screen of.”

The promoter would then start his free gift speech.

“I will throw in this... HDMI cable!” he would shout, holding up the cable as if it were King Arthur's sword.

“And free mounting! Free delivery! Free screen cleaner! 3 years warranty!”

Then he would pretend to confer with his boss and declare, “My boss says he can give more free gifts! But only if he knows how many here are interested! Do I see any hands? No commitment! Just tell me if you are interested! I see four hands! Ok, four TVs, boss!”

A brief moment passed as the promoter had a heated public meeting with his boss.

“Ok! Only four sets for this final hour of sales for the show, we will throw in a... DVD player!”

The crowd gasped at his audacity. “What other crazy offer can he make to top that?” we all were thinking.

“And all this for? You won't believe the price....”

His assistant scribbled something on his sign but held it high to hide it from our view, so that the promoter could do his final rousing speech.

“More than 50% off, and all these free gifts... only for...”

The assistant revealed the sign with a flourish.

“$1,499! Do we have any takers? I only have FOUR sets! Four sets with this crazy offer! I see one hand! Two!”

A few hands shot up and the sales folks quickly ushered the lucky “winners” away to do their paperwork, as if these customers had just joined a church.

I called my dad to ask if he wanted me to buy him one. At first, my dad thought I was having an argument with the salesman.

“No Pa, it's just the promoter shouting into his mic. You want me to get the 42-inch TV for you? I think it is going to be around $999.”

My dad said ok, go ahead. So I picked one up during the next performance. It was $949. The salesmen welcomed me warmly into the embrace of their Church of Big Screen TVs.

Amen to free delivery and wall mounting, brother. Amen!

 

About mrbrown
mrbrown aka Mr Kin Mun LEE is the accidental author of the popular Singapore website, mrbrown.com, and has been documenting the dysfunctional side of Singapore life since 1997.

Affectionately known as the Blogfather of Singapore, his readers follow his writings closely, which these days range from current affairs, his family, and even his trips abroad.

Currently, mrbrown also hosts the mrbrown show (mrbrownshow.com), probably Singapore's best known comedy and satire podcast.

mrbrown is married to Ginny, his long-suffering wife for 12 years, and is father to three lovely kids, Faith,  Isaac and Joy.