With so many heads of state and power people coming to Singapore for the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) meetings, the critical question I am sure many Singaporeans are asking is, "Oi! When is the Nicoll Highway jam going to stop ah?"

The Nicoll Highway runs in front of Suntec City, where major APEC meetings are taking place and so it has become a bit of a traffic bottleneck when some lanes are closed at certain times of the day.

To their credit, the government has not closed off roads extensively and unlike the IMF/World Bank meetings the last time, Singaporeans don't feel like we are living in a caged prison trying to produce the required four million smiles.

Chinese President Hu Jintao, who is also attending these APEC meetings, announced that a pair of pandas will be coming to Singapore in 2011, as a symbol of strong ties between Singapore and China.

I wonder what animals China sends as symbols of average ties. A pair of random Chinese cows?

It must be fun to go around giving pandas to friends you like.

"Hey, UK, you and me are BFFs right? Here, have Chia Chia! In fact, take Ching-Ching too!"

Do note that the two Pandas of Peace are only on loan to Singapore for ten years. In other words, the pandas are not going to be citizens but just Permanent Residents. They may go back to China to march in the panda militia contingent of their National Day parade if they freakin' feel like it.

I feel we still have a lot to benefit from these Chinese PR pandas even if they do not plan to stay in Singapore permanently (I hear they plan to open a chain of Panda Express restaurants in America).

If they are Kung Fu Pandas, we can learn the secret ways of the No Shadow Kick. If they are your Garden Variety Pandas, perhaps they can teach OUR national animal, the Merlion, how to be cute and not throw up so much.

I am not sure what will happen if these Pandas of Diplomacy give birth while in Singapore. Will their offspring have to serve National Service? Or only their offspring's offspring?

I am not sure how it works but I am sure these Chinese PR Pandas will not be asked to do the combat stuff, being on the obese side. Maybe storeman or clerk.

Since so many APEC leaders will be here in town, I feel that as a Singaporean, I should be a gracious host and give some local travel advice.

One, do not order the crabs and other seafood at Newton Food Centre. In fact, try not to go there at all. It is a tourist trap and I doubt that being a head of state will protect you from paying the "special" price for those giant prawns.

Two, Sim Lim Square is a great place to shop for gadgets when you can find time to slip away from your boring meetings. However, stay away from most of the first floor because many of the shops there are a dodgy tourist-fleecing lot. At least have a Singaporean friend with you if you need your gadget fix.

Three, you are most probably going to be given the obligatory trishaw ride. Just know that locals hardly take those any more. For a real transport experience, President Barack Obama should try our nice new MRT trains. Just avoid rush hour.

Four, Chinatown is not as real as it used to be but Little India is still quite an authentic experience. For some fun, eat dosai and down some lassi, then go midnight shopping at Mustafa Centre, the 24-hour department store that sells everything.

When I say they sell everything, I mean EVERYTHING. You need a printer cartridge in the dead of night because yours ran out and your minister needs those notes tomorrow morning at the trade meeting? Mustafa's.

You have to buy some last minute gold chains as a peace offering to ease tensions between Cambodia and Thailand over the Thaksin thing? Mustafa's.

You feel the urge to buy a fridge at 2am in the morning after a rowdy round of drinks with the ASEAN ministerial delegates? Yep. Mustafa's.

You can pick up a fresh chicken from their wet market on the way out with your new fridge too.

Once again, APEC leaders, welcome to Singapore. Have fun, don't fight too much and enjoy our food and culture. And remember, make sure the initial price the Sim Lim salesman quotes you includes GST.


About Mr Brown
mrbrown aka Mr Kin Mun LEE is the accidental author of the popular Singapore website, mrbrown.com, and has been documenting the dysfunctional side of Singapore life since 1997.

Affectionately known as the Blogfather of Singapore, his readers follow his writings closely, which these days range from current affairs, his family, and even his trips abroad.

Currently, mrbrown also hosts the mrbrown show (mrbrownshow.com), probably Singapore's best known comedy and satire podcast.

mrbrown is married to Ginny, his long-suffering wife for 12 years, and is father to three lovely kids, Faith, Isaac and Joy.